that sounds really selfish. i think that's my one fatal flaw. my dad had a cancer scare this past month and i'm increasingly becoming frustrated with my lack of a defined path in my life. i saw him three times since he was admitted. i could have done so much more. i feel pretty worthless.
i'm still unsatisfied with myself. i don't know, i fear my depression is resurfacing. i did so well fighting it these past couple of years, and with the introduction of martial arts in my life, i had a new way to balance myself.
i think what i'm really looking at is a compound of events. i mean, the abortion with hilary took a mental toll. sarah and i going from living together for five of the ten months we dated and then her completely vanishing out of my life probably didn't help either. i've also felt pretty worthless for the last few months. i'm not understanding why.
i know i'm too old to be so whiney, but it's really bad now. what's my solace? where's my point of clarity?